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We've been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome many hardships, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she's repeatedly caught off guard by others. Her spouse walked away, and it was a massive blow. Many of her friends drifted away then, since they had been drawn to him. It shocked her deeply. She put in increased attention toward our bond, likely grasped better the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Throughout this period, quite a few in her circle have drifted apart leaving her certain of the reason. Her last employer turned on her, although she had been highly competent, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

Present Situation

In recent times, we've both stepped back from work leading to more frequent meetups, however, I feel the part I play in the relationship is to listen. I introduce discussion points only for her to redirect the talk toward what interests her. Politically, she expresses firm beliefs. I attempt to suggest verifying facts or other angles.

She has been organizing a vacation abroad I've visited many times and resided in previously. I tried to share personal experiences, yet it was unappreciated. She purely solely sought validation of her choices. I have come back from 30 days in that place she hopes to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to be a friend who cuts and runs without a word, but I don't think she will ever grasp the effect of how she acts on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

You could cut and run, however, that approach is not often the easy answer we hope for. However, addressing it with the goal of a solution demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be based on facts like exactly what occurs. The second involves sharing the way it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument here. What you feel are valid, of course. The third step involves requesting how the two of you will alter the dynamics between you."

Keep in mind your friend has a point of view, meaning you must to be prepared to acknowledge it. A helpful technique involves stating her:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to not say anything for half an hour."

It's remarkably successful to encourage better communication.

Key Takeaways

This person could ignore your concerns, since certain individuals have a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a version of their life they cannot let go of because their very survival is tied to it and it represents familiar to them. It's tough as there is no thoroughfare here, just dead ends. Yet she could initially present defensively before reflecting about what you've said. If you never reach a fix, you'll have closure from having been honest with her.